5 Ways to Help the Church Even When You Struggle to Support the Pastor

On a regular basis, I receive an email from a staff member of a church with the same question. They are in an awkward position where they don’t respect the pastor, but love the church. They feel loyal to the church—even called—and don’t want to hurt the church, but they simply struggle to support the pastor—whether because of personal issues or leadership issues. Their question is: How do they respond to a leader they can’t support, but who is their boss and the church’s called leader?

I once had a staff member email me to say his pastor was extremely popular in the church, but consistently received recognition and support others on the team deserved. The pastor, in this staff member’s opinion, often took advantage of the church’s support of the pastor, and the church didn’t realize it. The staff member knew he probably didn’t have enough power to do anything about it—and, again, he didn’t want to hurt the church. But, he also doesn’t respect his pastor. His question was: What’s the best way to respond?

Great questions. I wish there were easy answers.

Here are five suggestions to help the church when you don’t support the pastor:

Don’t talk behind the pastor’s back

It would be easy—and maybe natural—to share your frustration, but chances are doing so will only backfire against you and cause tension in the church. People in the church will have the same struggle you have, feeling a sense of loyalty to the pastor. Putting them in an awkward position isn’t fair to them or the pastor. And, it certainly isn’t the biblical approach.

Be honest to the pastor’s face

It’s never easy, but it’s always best. Conflict is hard. I’ve learned it’s often avoided in churches. But, unless you are going to suck it up and say nothing, the first person you need to share your frustration with is the person with whom you are frustrated. It’s conflict resolution 101, and it is the biblical way.

This should be planned and you should think through how you will approach this with respect, grace and truth. You should address the issues which concern you about the pastor directly—and, you should certainly own anything you need to improve upon. (There is always the chance the problem is more you than the pastor.) And, if you’ve already acted in disrespectful ways against the pastor, you should apologize. The fact is, however, the pastor may not even realize why you would be having a problem. We only know what we know. (I’ve written before on how to lead those who are supposed to lead you.)